The Silly Things

I want to inspire people. I want people to look at me and say, "because of you I didn't give up." 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to do great things. Nobody should feel stupid for having a dream.

Lets get real here...The NCAA Championship Swim Meet is literally the fastest swimming competition in collegiate athletics. Lets just say you have to be freaky fast in order to even step foot on that pool deck, the qualifying times are faster than olympic trial times....yeah crazy!!! 

It can happen. If I put my mind to it, I can make NCAAs this spring. I don't care what other people tell me. I am making goals for myself and I will do it! I have learned so much this past year that I feel like there is no where else to go but up. The momentum God has given me is unreal and all I need is the right attitude and the strength to get there.  

All my life, people have doubted me. When I was a freshman in high school I remember telling an old friend of mine that I wanted to get a swimming scholarship at a D1 school. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me I couldn't do it. Now, I am having the time of my life at the greatest school in the country, doing the sport that I absolutely love. Because I believed in myself. 

Now is the time to shine.  Now is the time to prove to myself that I can do anything. 

Last year was a very difficult year for me, I struggled with high anxiety, depression and extreme weight gain. Not to mention my family and I were struggling with my brother's illness, so on top of all of that I didn't want to burden my family with my problems. I didn't understand why God was pushing my family and I so hard. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. All the pressure took a toll on me. As an athlete I was not healthy; mentally, physically or emotionally. I would toss and turn every night worrying about morning practice the next day. I would panic behind the blocks and psych myself out before I even gave myself a chance. I lost myself. I got so scared because I didn't know who I even was anymore. I wanted to quit. I wanted to move back home. I wanted to give up on everything I worked so hard for. I was literally so close to giving up and quitting on the thing that I loved the most. Swimming.

 Right at that moment when I was about to quit, was when God sent down His comforting reassurance and made me realize that everything was going to be okay.  The Lord is the only one who knows your future.  He knows how to test you and bend you, but He will never break you. God was testing me that's for sure, and it made me stronger. It gave me the motivation I needed to get back on track and rebuild. 

So this summer I went home and worked my tail off. I ended up losing the 30 pounds that I gained and became a stronger, happier and more optimistic human being. I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure that I didn't disappoint myself or my team like that ever again. Failing is not the same as disappointment. Failing is when you try and you simply don't succeed. Disappointment is when you attempt something and fail; but in the back of your mind you know you didn't try hard enough or put the work in. Which is why you feel that guilt deep inside you.

That is something I don't ever want to feel ever again. Even if I don't qualify for NCAAs, I want to climb out of that pool at PAC12s knowing that I did everything right and I tried my hardest.